During a conversation with a podcaster, I heard the words “you need to be self-confident to do what you care about, to take action.” Well, as much as I would like to agree with that statement, I strongly disagree with it; here is why and what you can do when struggling with self-confidence.
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What’s wrong with this idea?
Albert Bandura was one of the first psychologists who defined self-efficacy as a belief system in one’s capabilities to attain certain levels of performance (Bandura, 1997). In other words, Bandura suggested that our self-efficacy is defined by our beliefs on what we can do, what we can accomplish, or what we can excel at.
While many researchers have tried to distinguish self-confidence from self-efficacy, over the years the academic literature associated them as being the same, and of course, pop-psychology did the same thing. The outcome of this approach has been that we all have been taught that, to accomplish something we have to hold to the belief that we can do it, that we’re capable of it, and then, take action.
It is as if “thinking is a pre-requisite” of taking action.
That’s when I say “oh boy, with capital letters” because current research in many fields has shown us, over and over, that our mind is an independent entity that comes up with thousands of thoughts, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
So, hoping to believe that you can complete a task, before doing the task itself, it’s not good advice!
In the last decade, many fields of study – neuro-affective science, cognitive science, sports psychology – have questioned this assumption multiple times. For instance, in an experiment involving novice and expert golfers, they were instructed to either engage in “instructional self-talk” or “motivational self-talk;” interestingly, most of the studies showed that with few exceptions, instructional self-talk – or going over the steps of a task – has a larger impact on golfers’ performance (Hatzigeorgiadis et. a., 2012)
So, golfers who received directions on how to hit the ball and then practiced hitting the ball did much better than golfers who were encouraged to trust themselves and then hit the ball.
Why are these findings important to you?
When doing what matters to you, when doing what you care about, when approaching an activity that is important to you, it’s quite likely that you play-it-self by taking your thoughts very seriously and using all types of thinking strategies. Yet, doing any of the following thinking strategies:
- Listing your positive qualities
- Telling yourself “I need to believe first I can do it, then I’ll do it
- Thinking “everything will be fine, when I do this ….”
- Telling yourself “I know I can do this, I just have to think better about myself.”
- Visualizing good things that may come your way if you approach that situation.
…could make things harder for yourself, because they may create much more noise in your mind.
Our mind relentlessly comes up with thoughts, one after another. It’s not the mind’s fault, but a natural function it has. When doing what you care about, your mind will naturally come with all types of thoughts to protect you, to make sure you don’t make a mistake, and will push you to get away from anything that could cause you pain.
Yet, responding to thinking with more thinking, might not be as effective as you hope.
If you play-it-safe by procrastinating, avoiding, and putting things off …
Action is your currency!
Doing the stuff you care about doesn’t happen in your head – of course, you need to think, dream, hypothesize, imagine, and so on – but, responding to doubtful thoughts with more thinking has the opposite effect of what you want: it keeps you stuck.
The more you take action, the more you will experience yourself differently. The way I see it is that action boosts how you experience yourself; action boosts narratives about yourself; action trumps belief!
Here is a new cycle for you to consider:
Action – self-concept – action – self-concept – action – self-concept – action
Notice that this process starts with the steps you take – not with how you think about yourself or the story you hold about yourself.
You don’t need to feel motivated, to take action.
Don’t wait to feel a particular way to take action.
Motivation is overrated!
Start with your actions!
Most new ways of behaving, require that you start them first as routines so they become habits with time, and don’t require you to think about them.
A behavioral routine requires deliberate intention, repeated action, full effort, and committed intention. With enough practice, routines can turn into habits.
Many books have been written about building new habits and breaking problematic ones such as Atomic Habits by James Clear (2018), Tiny Habits by B.J. Fogg (2018), and The Power of Habits by Charles Duhigg (2012). You can read any of them and I’m sure you will find them helpful.
Today, I want to introduce you to …
Harmonious routines and habits
When I think about harmonious habits and routines, I’m thinking about adding intentionality and vitality into your life.
People that live intentionally experience higher levels of satisfaction with life and a sense of purpose, and have less uncomfortable emotions. (Bojanowska et. al, 2022)
Here is what you can do when approaching a situation that you care about and have been procrastinating:
- Choose intentionally a project, conversation, or task you are willing to approach
(If the project is too big, choose a single action) - Ask yourself why it matters to approach that project in the long run.
(What values do you want to focus on while approaching this task? - Commit to a time to do it
- Acknowledge the noise your mind comes up with
(Start by saying “here are my thoughts about being not good enough; here are my thoughts that I’m fake,” and so on) - Make room for the uncomfortable feelings that come along the ride
(Notice and acknowledge those feelings; you can say, I’m noticing this [name of the feeling] - Take action, it doesn’t matter how big or small the step is, just take one step.
- Practice self-compassion when you feel like giving up and to encourage yourself to start with this routine again.
Action is our currency and the more intentional you are with what you do, what you choose to do, and how you do it, the more that you live the life you want to live.
(In my next blog, I’ll expan on each one of these steps to create harmonious habits and routines, live intentionally and stop procrastinating)
