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A month ago I saw a post about a 1-hour webinar on how to overcome blockages that hold us back; the description seemed interesting, I was curious, so decided to attend. The webinar started with a nice review of how our brain is a “memory bank” and as such is constantly connecting, relating, and organizing memories one after another. And then, an interesting argument was presented: when considering doing something new, our brain doesn’t have a previous memory to use it as a reference, so we have to create new data for the brain about our future, and one way to do that is by creating “visualizations” of our future self: your goals. Moments later, other provoking ideas were introduced as suggestions to to handle our mental blocks: we just need to “trust ourselves and then you will make things happen for you.” Here is why these two suggestions are poor advice:

About visualizations of your goals

Nir Eyal, an organization psychologist, has done extensive research on this area; after reading his book, his articles, and attending his talks, here is a clear finding that I relate to: visualizing your goals doesn’t work if you get strongly attached to them. Think about it, let’s say for example, my goal is to own a home in Mexico, and I imagine the exterior of the home, the hardwood floor, the tile in the kitchen, the large dining table, the touches of blue on the walls, the types of plants that will go on the patio, the smell of bread from the oven and the sounds of the dog running all over. It’s a nice image, I relate to it, I like it a lot, but what happens when I make that image my goal, when I rely on this image to feel a particular way that is suppose to motivate me, or what happens when I compare everything I do with that image and my mind tells me it’s not enough?

“According to researchers at New York University, visualizing a goal creates an emotion similar to having already accomplished it. The researchers believe this may de-motivate you to actually do the hard work since it temporarily provides the positive sensation you seek.” (written by Todd Snyder, guest post in Nir Eyal’s website)

I love that image, but I don’t have control of making it happen; I only have control of the steps I need to take towards creating my life. So, despite what folk psychology tells us, it’s time to deconstruct this myth and instead of attaching strongly to those goals or visualizations of the future, let’s visualize the steps we need to take towards a particular aspiration of us (which as it turns out, is much more effective 🙂

Link to an article: https://www.nirandfar.com/visualizing/

Trust yourself, tell yourself you can do it, and then you will see you can do it.

When starting a new project, thinking about switching careers, taking sabbatical time, and so on, we may struggle with doubts, hesitancy, and indecision. In response to all of those thoughts, pop psychology tells us “trust yourself, and then you will be able to take action.”

The advice of trusting yourself & then taking actions, has so many variations, the most popular ones I have heard are:

Tell yourself “mind over matter”

List those characteristics you want to embrace “I’m strong, smart, capable”

Ask someone to tell you your strengths!

These are just examples of how the idea that “changing how you see yourself, how you think about yourself” is a prerequisite to start doing fun and important things you care about.

Here is an example: I’m not a talented cook. I do enjoy the process of cooking at times, like chopping veggies, smelling the different ingredients, chatting and cooking, sprinkling salt on top of the salads but I think my food is a bit plain. So, going along with pop psychology, I should tell myself “I’m a good cook or I can cook” and then when I can relate to that thought, assume that my cooking will improve?

“In one camp, you have people who believe improving self-esteem is of paramount importance. On the other side of the fence are those who feel the whole concept of self-esteem is overrated and that it’s more critical to develop realistic perceptions about oneself. But what if we’ve been asking the wrong questions all along? What if the self-esteem discussion is like the proverbial finger pointing at the moon?” (Steve Hayes, personal blog, 2014).

There is a difference between having willingness to take steps needed with determination, commitment, and diligence but that doesn’t mean that the thoughts about myself (self-esteem, self-concept) have to change to do so. Going back to my example above, taking a cooking class, trying new recipes, or watching cooking shows (actionable steps) could improve my cooking, while still having the thought, I’m not a good cook.

As you know, I do have a bias towards action, for hundreds of reasons, but at the core of my bias is that over and over, different studies and personal experiences, have shown that taking action towards what we care about, the instrumental stuff we have to do and the fun stuff, not only takes us further but also allow us to experience ourselves differently and it may even shift our thinking.

Link to an article: https://stevenchayes.com/is-self-compassion-more-important-than-self-esteem/

I finish this write up wondering if I have become a renegade of pop-psychology, pondering why I get cranky with pseudo-science, and why sentences like “research says” and “studies have shown” are not necessarily indicators of solid science but a prompt for our curious eyes to unpack those studies and critically analyze them.