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You’re ready to make a change in your home; you’re envisioning a cozy sofa to make your living room a space for relaxation. You dive in enthusiastically, exploring every option: different materials, colors, textures, and brands. Samples arrive, and you test them thoroughly at different times of the day, apply different products to check the fabric resistance and take photos of them with different lights. You visit stores, sit on countless sofas, analyze dimensions, and take many photos.

Finally, after weeks of back-and-forth, you click “place order.”

But then, doubt creeps in.

You second-guess your choice. Maybe the brown chair isn’t the right fit.

You quickly change the order, keeping the sofa, but dropping the chair.

Still unsure, you revisit the website and consider a completely different color – the soft brown one that caught your eye earlier. Then, you try to place the order and call the company.

• That soft brown color? Discontinued.
• “Discontinued forever?”
• “Yes,” says the customer service representative.

You hang up the phone.

You feel stunned, disappointed, and overwhelmed by regret.

This is decision paralysis. And you’re not alone.

Why it’s so Hard to Decide

Indecision isn’t just about not knowing what to do—it’s often rooted in the fear of making the wrong choice. We put immense pressure on ourselves to “get it right,” focusing so intensely on avoiding mistakes, missing out on better opportunities, or finding the “correct” decision that we lose sight of the bigger picture.

This fear often leads us to overanalyze, endlessly searching for information in hopes of uncovering the perfect solution or eliminating any chance of future regret.

According to the research of Dr. Ellen Langer, indecision often stems from being trapped in mindlessness. Her work emphasizes that indecision thrives when we rely on rigid, habitual thinking patterns rather than staying open to new perspectives and possibilities.

What is Decision Agility?

Decision agility is your ability to make decisions effectively, adapting to new information and changing circumstances without becoming stuck in emotional or cognitive rigidity.

Annie Duke, a professional poker player and decision strategist, highlights that decision agility isn’t about making flawless choices. Instead, it’s about cultivating a process that maximizes learning, reduces bias, and allows for flexibility as new data becomes available.

Building decision agility isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about learning to pivot, staying receptive to new insights, and ensuring your choices remain aligned with your core values.

Playing-It-Safe Moves Related to Decision-Making

Did you know that much of what we decide daily isn’t a true “decision” at all? Often, our choices are unconscious reactions—quick assumptions made by our mind to reduce uncertainty or discomfort.

Our incredible minds are always working hard to keep us safe and comfortable.

Researchers studying decision-making often call these tendencies “cognitive biases.” I like to think of them as playing-it-safe moves, strategies designed to protect us from discomfort now or in the future. Who doesn’t play it safe sometimes?

It’s completely understandable to want more information or to focus on what you already know, especially in anxiety-provoking or uncertain situations. But there’s a critical distinction: How often do you rely on playing-it-safe moves, and are these habits helping or hindering you from living your personal values?

Here are some of the most common playing-it-safe tendencies related to decisions, how they show up in your life, and reflective questions to help you make values-based choices.

Confirmation Bias

Definition
The tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information that supports pre-existing beliefs (Nickerson, 1998).

Example
Imagine you’re considering buying an electric car. If you believe it’s the most eco-friendly choice, you might focus only on articles praising its low emissions and ignore those highlighting environmental costs of battery production.

Reflective Questions

• Am I giving equal weight to opposing evidence?
• How might someone with an opposite perspective interpret this?
• What would I need to see to change my mind?

Hindsight Bias

Definition
The tendency to perceive past events as predictable after they have occurred (Roese & Vohs, 2012).

Example
Imagine you didn’t prepare for a sudden rainstorm during a picnic, thinking the weather forecast looked good. When it starts raining, you say, “I knew this would happen!” In reality, your confidence about the likelihood of rain only surfaced after it occurred.

Reflective Questions

• Am I basing this judgment on hindsight rather than foresight?
• How might I prepare better next time without unfairly criticizing my past self?

Loss Aversion

Definition
The fear of losses outweighs the joy of equivalent gains (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979).

Example

• A professional might avoid leaving a stable but unfulfilling job for fear of instability, even when a new role offers significant potential.
• You resist selling an old car that requires frequent repairs because accepting the loss feels worse than gaining peace of mind from a new vehicle.

Reflective Questions

• What opportunities might I miss if I cling on to this loss?
• How would I advise a friend in the same situation?
• Am I prioritizing avoiding regret over pursuing growth?

Sunk Cost Fallacy

Definition
Continuing an endeavor because of prior investment, even when it’s no longer beneficial.

Example
Continuing to watch a boring movie because you’ve already watched half of it.

Reflective Questions

• What would I advise a friend to do in this situation?
• Am I sticking with this just because I’ve invested time or money?
• If I hadn’t already invested time, money, or effort into this, would I still choose it today?
• What other opportunities am I missing by sticking with this decision?
• Would a fresh start in this situation open up better possibilities?
• Am I holding on because of the effort I’ve already put in, rather than the value I’m receiving now?
• Am I continuing because I feel guilty, ashamed, or afraid of admitting a mistake?
• If someone else were in my position, what advice would I give them?
• What have I gained or learned from this commitment, and how can I use it moving forward?
• What would someone without my emotional attachment to this situation suggest?

Status Quo Bias

Definition
A preference for maintaining current circumstances rather than making changes, even when the change is beneficial (Samuelson & Zeckhauser, 1988).

Example
You stick with the same cable TV provider despite higher costs because switching feels like too much hassle, even though it could save money.

Reflective Questions

• What is the cost of staying where I am?
• Is my resistance to change rooted in fear or inertia?
• What small step could I take to test this new option?

Last Words on Decisions

• Decisions are rarely final
  Think of decisions not as immovable monuments, but as stepping stones on your life.

• Embrace flexibility when making choices
  Life changes, and so can you. Let go of the pressure to make “perfect” decisions.

• Decisions are rarely permanent
  Choices often feel heavier than they truly are. Most decisions are adjustable and open doors to learning, growth, and new opportunities.

• Decisions are context-based
  Every decision reflects a specific moment in time—your needs, your values, and your circumstances. And as those moments shift, so, too, can your choices. This is the essence of psychological flexibility: the ability to adapt your actions when circumstances change.

• Decisions are about exploration
  Think of each decision as an experiment. It’s less about “getting it right” and more about “seeing what’s possible.” Each choice is a chance to discover, learn, and grow.

Esther Perel beautifully says, “The quality of your life is defined by the quality of your relationships.” To build on that, I’d say, “The quality of your life is deeply influenced by the quality of your choices.”

Every choice you make—big or small—has the potential to shape your path, your relationships, and your sense of purpose. When you’re faced with a decision, take a moment to reflect: Does this choice align with the values that matter most to me? Will it help create the kind of life I want to live?