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It was finally time to give road biking shoes a try.

I’d heard all about the benefits—better pedaling efficiency, smoother movement, and that elusive “aerodynamic” feel that cyclists rave about. But stepping into those shoes, both literally and figuratively, was about more than cycling; it was about stepping outside of my comfort zone.

The key to a good cycling shoe, I’d learned, is that it fits snugly but doesn’t pinch anywhere. After trying on a few pairs and searching for just the right size, I finally landed on a sleek pair of white Italian shoes that felt just right—as if they were made for me. 

Comfortable, supportive, and stylish. I was ready to roll.

Here’s the thing about road biking shoes: they’re designed to clip directly into the pedals, locking your feet in place. It’s like snowboarding—you’re securely attached, and it also means your reflexes need to adjust. 

Before you stop, you have to twist your foot to unclip. Otherwise, well… your feet stay firmly attached to the bike, and gravity quickly takes over.

I headed to the bike shop to get the matching pedals installed. Once everything was set up, I climbed onto the bike inside the store to test them out. And then it happened.

I fell. Hard.

In less than 30 seconds, I hit the hardwood floor. 

I got back up, clipped in again, and started pedaling. This time, I lasted about 20 seconds before I was on the floor again. 

Over the next ten minutes, even with help, I couldn’t unclip fast enough before losing balance.

My legs were a patchwork of fresh bruises.

What if I couldn’t get the hang of this? What if I fell during a ride and seriously hurt myself? My brain was already compiling a list of reasons to abandon the shoes altogether. 

Here’s the kicker: I’d signed up for a group ride that was starting in just ten minutes.

Standing there, I had a choice to make.

What would you have done in my shoes?

The science behind psychological flexibility

Psychological flexibility refers to the ability to adapt your actions and responses based on the situation at hand. In essence, it’s about being open to adjusting your behavior in a way that aligns with your values, even when faced with new or uncomfortable external situations or internal uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, sensations, urges, memories, or emotions.

In positive psychology, research shows that psychological flexibility is strongly linked to well-being, resilience, and life satisfaction. A study by Tami Kim and colleagues (2020) found that people who were more flexible in their behavior were better able to handle stressful situations; participants also reported higher levels of happiness and greater ability to maintain relationships during difficult times.

You need to be curious to be psychologically flexible

Kashdan and colleagues, through the development of the Curiosity and Exploration Inventory-II (2009), identified two critical dimensions of curiosity: stretching – the active pursuit of novel and challenging experiences – and embracing – the capacity to tolerate and even thrive amidst uncertainty and ambiguity. 

Think about this: when you try something unfamiliar, you’re stretching. It might feel awkward or even nerve-wracking at first, but each step helps you grow. At the same time, embracing asks you to lean into the “what-if thoughts” of that experience without retreating.

When you stretch yourself outside of your comfort zone and make room for the uncomfortable feelings that come along with an open attitude, you strengthen the muscle of psychological flexibility that is central to value-driven living.

Everyday situations for you to practice psychological flexibility

Imagine you’re in a meeting, and your colleague brings up an idea you hadn’t considered before. Initially, you might feel worried or uncertain about it, especially if it challenges your assumptions or routines. But instead of rejecting the idea outright, you take a moment to listen carefully and reflect on what you heard.

Think about a situation where your boss asks you to take on a new project or shift the way you’re approaching an existing one. You might feel overwhelmed, and you could try approaching the situation with curiosity. Instead of quickly saying, “I’m too busy” or “That’s not how we’ve always done it,” you could think about how this new project aligns with your professional strengths or career values. 

Suppose you’re at a family gathering, and an uncomfortable conversation arises – perhaps about a political issue or a sensitive topic. You might want to pause and ask questions, seeking to understand the other person’s point of view even if you disagree with it. 

Why behavioral flexibility matters for your mental health and well-being

Psychological flexibility isn’t just about changing what you do—it’s about making conscious choices that reflect your personal values. 

When you practice behavioral flexibility, you are better equipped to manage stress and anxiety because they approach situations with a more open mindset, ready to pivot and adjust when needed. This makes them less likely to fall into the trap of rigid, unhelpful thinking patterns that can contribute to depression or chronic worry.

The bottom line about psychological flexibility

Psychological flexibility isn’t just a skill—it’s a mindset that helps you navigate the complexities of life and enables you to thrive, even in uncertain or stressful situations.

What happened?

Cycling has always been my happy place. It gets me outside, clears my mind, and keeps my body moving. I love the challenge of a steep hill or a long-distance ride.

I’m not training for the Tour de France; I cycle because it feels grounding.

So, I ended up riding with two different shoes. 

Reading Time: 3 minutes

As I strolled down the narrow, sunlit street next to the Mediterranean in Naxos, Greece, I could feel the warmth of the sun, hear the light laughter of teenagers nearby, and breathe in the salty ocean air.

The world around me seemed to hum with life.

The ocean has always, always, always been a source of comfort for me. It was one of those precious moments—when everything feels in sync, and the world is exactly as it should be.

Then, my stomach interrupted with a growl.

It remind me that even the most peaceful moments are accompanied by the mundane. I paused and looked around.

That’s when I spotted it: a cozy little Greek restaurant tucked away on the side of the street.

• Me: Approaching the hostess, “Can I get a table for one?”
• Waitress: “A table for one?  while raising an eyebrow with a soft smile, “but… someone else is joining you later, right?”
• Me: “No, no one is coming.”
• Waitress:  “Are you sure? – gesturing to the empty table.  We could set the table for two and wait.”
• Me: “Thank you, but no one else is coming.” 
• Waitress:  “How come? She takes a deep breath, are you eating alone?”
• Me:  Yes, I am eating alone.”
• Waitress: “I can leave the forks for another person, if you want.”
• Me: “Thank you, but it’s not necessary,” I answer, with a soft smile.

The waitress’ question lingered in the air.

Imagine all the conversations, people, situations, activities, hobbies, or objects you’ve avoided for years because the unfamiliarity feels daunting. Facing our fears isn’t just about confronting big fears – it’s about making space for discomfort in everyday moments.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), exposure is more than tackling anxieties, worries, and fears; it’s about doing so in the service of what truly matters to you.

ACT redefines exposure by focusing on your core values, not just symptom reduction. Instead of forcing your fears, worries, and anxieties away, it invites you to lean into discomfort while embracing your personal “why.” That’s why I refer to these practices as values-based exposure exercises.

Facing our fears can often feel like standing on the edge of a deep cliff, wondering whether it’s safe to jump. But, here’s the thing, approaching your worries, fears, and anxieties is a way to live in alignment with what you care about, not just a tool to eliminate fear.

An invitation for you

What about taking yourself to eat alone without a cell phone, book, or anything to distract yourself, but as an invitation to be with yourself and anything that shows up under your skin?

Exposure isn’t just about confronting big fears—it’s about facing discomfort in everyday moments.

Sitting alone at a table for one can be your values-based exposure.

Resources to practice values-based exposure exercises

(a) A comprehensive guide to read: Facing your fears

This guide includes five parts:

Part 1: What are values-based exposure exercises?

Part 2: How to create your values-based exposure menu?

Part 3: What are the different types of exposure exercises you can practice?

Part 4: Where do you start?

Part 5: What to do when practicing a values-based exposure exercise?

Click here to read full guide: Facing your fears.

(b) 1-minute video to watch: The purpose of values-based exposures

(c) Podcast to listen to: How to engage in values-based behaviors when feeling anxious

1. “Just think positive!”

The research conducted by Wood and colleagues found that while positive self-statements might be beneficial for individuals with high self-esteem, they can have the opposite effect on those with low self-esteem.

When people with low self-esteem try to force themselves to think positively, it can actually backfire, leading to increased anxiety and self-doubt. This is because the positive affirmations are inconsistent with their existing self-beliefs, causing internal conflict.

The findings challenge the simplistic notion that “just thinking positive” is universally beneficial and underscore the importance of a more nuanced approach to mental health interventions, particularly for individuals struggling with anxiety and self-esteem issues.

• Study: Wood, J. V., Perunovic, W. Q. E., & Lee, J. W. (2009). Positive self-statements: Power for some, peril for others. Psychological Science, 20(7), 860-866.

2. “Mind over matter.”

Daniel Wegner’s work on ironic process theory demonstrates that attempting to control or suppress unwanted thoughts can paradoxically make them more persistent. For example, trying not to think about something can cause that thought to dominate one’s mind, leading to heightened anxiety.

This finding contradicts the “mind over matter” philosophy, which suggests that we can simply will ourselves to overcome challenges by forcefully controlling our thoughts. Wegner’s research highlights the limitations of mental control and suggests that acceptance-based approaches, which allow thoughts to come and go without trying to control them, may be more effective in managing anxiety.

• Study: Wegner, D. M. (1994). Ironic processes of mental control. Psychological Review, 101(1), 34-52.

3. “Push through your anxiety.”

Mann and Ward’s research suggests that while pushing through pain and discomfort can sometimes lead to short-term gains, it can also result in long-term harm, particularly when the underlying causes of stress or pain are not addressed. This “push through” mentality can lead to burnout, injury, or exacerbation of anxiety symptoms, particularly in high-stress environments.

The study advocates for a more balanced approach to self-regulation that involves recognizing limits, taking breaks, and addressing the root causes of pain and anxiety, rather than simply forcing oneself to continue through discomfort.

• Study: Mann, T., & Ward, A. (2007). Attention, self-control, and health behaviors. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16(5), 280-283.

4. “You can control your thoughts.”

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Steven C. Hayes and his colleagues, challenges the idea that we can or should control our thoughts. The ACT model posits that trying to control or suppress unwanted thoughts often leads to increased psychological distress. Instead, ACT encourages individuals to accept their thoughts and feelings as they are, without judgment or the need to change them, and to focus on taking actions that are consistent with their values.

This approach has been shown to be effective in reducing anxiety and improving psychological flexibility, as it reduces the struggle against unwanted thoughts and fosters a more adaptive relationship with them.

• Study: Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.

5. “Fake it till you make it.”

Lerner and Keltner’s research on the effects of emotions like fear and anger on decision-making suggests that “faking it” can sometimes lead to emotional dissonance, where there is a disconnect between how one feels internally and how one is expected to behave externally. This dissonance can exacerbate anxiety and lead to poor decision-making, particularly in high-stress situations.

The study challenges the idea that simply “faking” confidence or calmness is an effective strategy, as it can increase stress and anxiety when the external façade does not match internal feelings. A more effective approach might involve acknowledging and managing one’s genuine emotions rather than pretending they don’t exist.

• Study: Lerner, J. S., & Keltner, D. (2001). Fear, anger, and risk. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(1), 146-159.

6. “Don’t worry, be happy.”

Moskowitz and Epel’s research suggests that while maintaining a positive outlook can be beneficial, the simplistic message of “Don’t worry, be happy” can be problematic because it encourages the suppression of negative emotions and invalidates genuine experiences of stress and anxiety.

Their work highlights the importance of finding meaning and growth in adversity, rather than merely trying to avoid or suppress negative emotions. By embracing a more balanced perspective that acknowledges both positive and negative experiences, individuals are better equipped to manage anxiety and build resilience.

• Study: Moskowitz, J. T., & Epel, E. S. (2006). Benefit finding and growth following adversity: The challenge of finding meaning. Positive Psychology in Practice, 145-158.

7. “You just need to try harder.”

Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset challenges the notion that effort alone is sufficient to overcome challenges. Her work shows that while effort is important, a focus on learning and adaptability is equally crucial. The “try harder” message can be damaging when it leads individuals to believe that failure is due to a lack of effort rather than a need for new strategies or skills.

In the context of anxiety, this message can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and helplessness, as individuals may feel they are not trying hard enough when they struggle with anxiety, rather than recognizing the need for different approaches or support.

• Study: Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.

8. “Push through the anxiety.”

Baumeister’s research on self-regulation highlights the risks of overcommitting and pushing through pain without addressing underlying issues. Overcommitment can lead to burnout and decreased effectiveness in managing stress and anxiety. The “push through” mentality may work in the short term, but it often leads to long-term negative consequences, including chronic stress, anxiety, and physical health problems.

The study advocates for a more balanced approach that includes recognizing limits, taking breaks, and practicing self-care, rather than simply pushing through pain and discomfort.

• Study: Baumeister, R. F., et al. (2007). The destructive nature of overcommitment: Behavior, motivation, and self-regulation in high-stress situations. American Psychologist, 62(3), 207-215.

9. “Anxiety is all in your head.”

Kessler’s study provides evidence that anxiety disorders have significant biological, genetic, and psychological components, challenging the notion that anxiety is merely “all in your head.”

The research shows that anxiety disorders are common and can have a profound impact on individuals’ lives, requiring a comprehensive approach to treatment that addresses both mental and physical aspects. The idea that anxiety is just a matter of willpower or mindset ignores the complexity of these disorders and can lead to stigmatization and inadequate treatment.

• Study: Kessler, R. C., et al. (2005). Lifetime prevalence and age-of-onset distributions of DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. Archives of General Psychiatry, 62(6), 593-602.

10. “Anxiety is something you should avoid at all costs.”

Kashdan and McKnight’s research suggests that avoiding anxiety can lead to a diminished sense of purpose and life satisfaction. Their study on social anxiety disorder found that those who commit to a meaningful purpose in life are better able to manage anxiety.

The message that anxiety should be avoided at all costs is questioned by their findings, which suggest that facing anxiety in the pursuit of meaningful goals can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Avoidance behaviors, on the other hand, can reinforce anxiety and limit one’s ability to live a rich and purposeful life.

• Study: Kashdan, T. B., & McKnight, P. E. (2013). Commitment to a purpose in life: An antidote to the suffering by individuals with social anxiety disorder. Emotion, 13(6), 1150-1159.

11. “Positive thinking can fix your anxieties.”

Aspinwall and Brunhart’s research highlights the limitations of positive thinking, especially when it involves ignoring or downplaying negative information. While optimism can be beneficial, an overemphasis on positive thinking can lead to denial of problems and inadequate coping strategies. The idea that positive thinking can cure everything is overly simplistic and can prevent individuals from addressing real issues that require attention.

A balanced approach that includes a realistic assessment of challenges, along with positive thinking, is more effective in managing anxiety and promoting mental health. This approach allows for constructive problem-solving and better emotional regulation.

• Study: Aspinwall, L. G., & Brunhart, S. M. (2000). What I do know won’t hurt me: Optimism, attention to negative information, coping, and health. Psychological Bulletin, 127(1), 99-127.

12. “Anxiety is a choice.”

The notion that “anxiety is a choice” is fundamentally challenged by research conducted by Hofmann and his colleagues. Their review of anxiety disorders highlights the complex interplay of genetic, neurological, and environmental factors that contribute to the development and persistence of anxiety. Anxiety is not simply a matter of choice; rather, it is a deeply ingrained response that can be influenced by biological predispositions and life experiences.

The study emphasizes that while individuals can choose how to respond to anxiety, the initial experience of anxiety is not a matter of personal choice but a natural and often automatic reaction to perceived threats. Further, the belief that anxiety is a choice can lead to self-blame and exacerbate the condition.

Hofmann’s work supports a more compassionate approach, recognizing that anxiety is a common human experience that can be managed with evidence-based treatments like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based interventions. These treatments focus on helping individuals develop healthier responses to anxiety rather than perpetuating the myth that anxiety is merely a choice to be willed away.

• Study: Hofmann, S. G., et al. (2012). The nature and treatment of anxiety disorders. Clinical Psychological Review.