It’s time to unlearn avoidant behaviors that have been keeping you stuck. Making a shift from behavioral avoidance to values-based living requires that, in addition to clarifying your values and identifying the fun, to-dos, and meaningful activities you have been avoiding, you also identify potential blocks ahead of time.

For example, Anne, identified the following roadblocks:

Your turn. What are the roadblocks that you anticipate may show up for you? Don’t worry if they seem silly or stupid, just write them down so you can make an action plan for each one of them:

As you work through this workbook, you will learn many skills to handle unpleasant internal experiences and all types of roadblocks that may show up and get in your way. So I invite you to be patient with your learning.

Next, you will learn two specific ways to handle your roadblocks:

(1) Visualizing the steps required for each activity

If you’re concerned about experiencing some internal discomfort when taking steps to implement your weekly calendar, visualizing each one of the steps you need to go through is a safe way to practice making room for that discomfort.

Choose one activity to work on. Close your eyes and mentally walk yourself through all the steps you need to take to achieve your goal. Use all of your senses to experience each step as vividly as you can. Who are you with? What do you do or say? What are the circumstances? As you visualize the sequence of events in detail, note any thoughts, feelings, and sensations that might interfere with acting in accordance with your values and achieving your goal. As you notice your internal experiences, say to yourself, Here is an emotion, here is a thought. Do your best not to fight any of the internal experiences; simply acknowledge them as you continue visualizing the steps you need to take to complete that activity.

(2) Coming up with a problem-solving plan

Some of the activities you identified in your action plan may seem big, unbearable, or undoable. To help, you can practice visualizing the necessary steps to complete the activity, and you can also come up with a modified action plan to increase the likelihood of having your ideal outcome.

For example, let’s look at Anne’s roadblock for one of her values-based activities:

As you can see, having a modified action plan makes things more manageable because you’re breaking them down into micro-steps. Your turn.

Notice what happens when you make an effort to establish a modified action plan for a potential roadblock or visualize the steps you need to take. Don’t you feel that the task is more manageable? These are super-handy tools that will get you mobilized.

After you have identified and solved these potential roadblocks, let’s increase your willingness and motivation to make it happen. The next section will help you with that.

Committing to your weekly calendar

Committing to behavioral change improves your motivation and willingness to increase your activity levels and overcome different forms of avoidance (Hayes and Smith 2007). Keep in mind that committing to your weekly calendar is not about agreeing with a particular outcome; it’s about committing to experience, sit with, and stay with what comes with that decision. With every choice you make, there is an experience that comes as a result of the choice.

Here is an exercise to do:

For this particular activity: ________ [enter the activity].
I am willing to experience ________ [enter the type of discomfort you may experience].
So I can ________ [insert the benefits of implementing that particular action].

In the case of Anne, her commitment exercise looks like this:

For this particular activity: going for breakfast on Friday.
I am willing to experience fear about things going wrong.
So I can connect with my partner on an intimate level and nourish my relationship.

If you put into action all these steps on a weekly basis, you will notice a shift in your day-to-day life. The key is acting on your values, taking care of the errands you need to do, and having fun activities on a regular basis.

A rich life has multiple sources of joy, experiences, and encounters, and this variability of experiences is actually key to break avoidance patterns and live the life you want to live. Share on X