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Every single thing around you taps into your need for closure, the anticipation of the unknown, and your desire for certainty.

HARDWIRED TO SOLVE UNCERTAINTY

We all have a natural need to make sense of the non-sense, unknowns, and conflicts that show up from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep. For instance, if you open your laptop and it doesn’t turn on, that’s a nonsensical situation that your brain will quickly try to solve by running different options:

• Is the battery dead?
• Is something malfunctioning within the laptop?
• Did I press the power button hard enough?The reality is that every day in our life, there are many situations in which we have little information, or there is a mismatch between what we encounter and what we think it should be.

Our wonderful brain, among the many protective functions it has, comes with a special one that is in charge of giving meaning to our experiences: a meaning-making system. This meaning-making system quickly gets activated when encountering a situation that disturbs our sense of order and immediately triggers our sense of uncertainty, not-knowing, and ambiguity.

Else Frenkle – Brunswik (1949) introduced the concept of ambiguity tolerance as the ”tendency to resort to black and white solutions, to arrive at premature closure as to valuative aspects, often at the neglect of reality…”

Later on, Budner (1962) referred to intolerance of ambiguity as ‘the tendency to perceive ambiguous situations as sources of threat’ and tolerance of ambiguity as ‘the tendency to perceive ambiguous situations as desirable.” Arie Kruglanski (1989) studied the “need for closure” and defined it as “desire for a definite answer … any answer as opposed to confusion and ambiguity.”

Our experience dealing with confusing situations is very unique to each one of us; there are no two people who feel ambiguity the same way and with the same intensity. Intolerance of uncertainty feels different from situation to situation and we react differently to it in a given moment.

Some of us are more sensitive to it than others and our reactions can go from extreme aversion to even extreme attraction. When we feel an extreme aversion to confusing situations, we may experience high levels of fear, rejection, and emotional negativity; on the other hand, when we feel extreme attraction towards an ambiguous situation we may be curious, welcome the challenge, and maybe even enjoy the process.

No matter which end of the spectrum of uncertainty our responses fall – fear or excitement – it drives us to take action, to solve a situation, to get out of unknown territory. At times, we want to solve a situation right away and we want that response to last for as long as possible so we don’t experience distress any longer. (These characteristics are academically known as urgency and permanence tendencies; Kruglanski and Donna Webster (1994) described urgency tendency as an “individual’s inclination to attain closure as soon as possible,” and permanence as an “individual’s inclination to maintain [closure] for as long as possible.”)

THE IMPACT OF UNCERTAINTY IN OUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE

Think about these scenarios:

• • How long would it take me to fly to Bali?
  • Would this person want to go out with me on a second date?
  • What if my boss fires me?
  • Is my reaction justified?
  • Does this piece of the puzzle fit here?
  • Does she like me?
  • Who is the killer in this movie?
  • How much salt is “a pinch of salt”?
    (I seriously have asked myself this question so many times)

If you look at the variety of situations in which we encounter uncertainty, each one of them happens in different contexts – they happen in different settings – and while they’re all ambiguous situations, they all have a variety of shades of ambiguity, mystery, and confusion that tap a slightly different nuance of uncertainty.

As Kruglanski (2004) suggested, our  “need for closure” is not static or permanent but malleable, dynamic, and a moving entity which will explain why our “need to solve unknown situations” shifts from situation to situation, setting to setting.

Facing the unknown of how a love story ends versus the unknown of my boss firing me – are both ambiguous – but have different consequences in our lives so they feel different and feel different at different moments too.

HOW DOES UNCERTAINTY WORK?

Have you ever gone to a restaurant and ordered your favorite go-to dish – the dish that you know how it tastes because you order it regularly –  but when you have the first bite, it tastes differently?

Every time our expectations are violated and there is a mismatch between what things should be and what they are, our wonderful brain gets activated and tries to solve that error, even when the mismatch is good news (e.g. like when you expect to be fired but your boss just wanted to tell you about a new project).

Then after this mismatch happens, here is what happens:

• • We enter into a state of alert because our brain wants to solve this discrepancy and this is when we look at all types of clues we can get access to  –  information, past experiences, memories, old conversations –  to solve this ambiguity
  • We are pushed to solve this dilemma by taking action.

Daniel Gilbert (2000), a psychology professor at Harvard, and his colleagues found that even though uncertainty is related to a positive event – e.g. receiving an anonymous gift – we’re generally convinced that we’ll be happiest when all uncertainty is eliminated.

Here is the tricky part: sometimes, even when taking action, there is the feeling that a situation is still unresolved, so we get stuck between acting as if we have understood a dilemma and feeling/sensing that we haven’t.

We handle those lingering feelings – anxieties – in different ways. Those ways – in which handle our anxious feelings – are not insignificant matters but important ones that distinguish an effective response from an ineffective one to uncertainty and the difference between single problems with unknowns from chronic ones.

WHY HANDLING UNCERTAINTY MATTERS TO ALL OF US?

Think about what happens when we are confronted with political dilemmas in which candidates with different views on the same issue; or consider what occurs when encountering an existential dilemma, e.g. is there life after death?

Research suggests that when lacking skills to handle ambiguous situations, we tend to quickly act on one or all of these responses:

• • Search for more information (watch news channels, google, ask others)
  • Dismiss what we don’t know
  • Hold with white knuckles onto strong beliefs of what we know
  • Make decisions based on our strong urge to minimize the unknown
  • Make decisions to avoid loss (loss aversion)

This process is described as the affirmation process: it’s the intensification of beliefs, whatever those beliefs might be, in response to a perceived threat (Jamie Holmes).

Without asking why others think the way they do, we lock ourselves down into our own beliefs, surround ourselves with people who agree with us, and listen to viewpoints that make us feel good. This is one of how extremist ideologies are reinforced.

If you go to the doctor and describe symptoms that don’t fit with a particular medical diagnosis, if the doctor has a low tolerance to ambiguity, they may quickly dismiss the ambiguous symptoms and diagnose a condition based only on the symptoms they’re familiar with (for more references check Trisha Torrey’s work on patient’s advocacy).

Here is another scenario: If you’re going on a date, and don’t know whether your date likes you or not, the moment this person makes a facial expression that you perceive as this person is disengaged, you may start criticizing yourself, act as if there is no need to invest in the date, and dismiss a potential relationship in the long-run.

UPSIDES OF UNCERTAINTY, AMBIGUITY, AND UNKNOWNS

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

If I had a long day and want to relax by watching “Jane the Virgin,” it makes sense that after pressing the “on” button on the remote control to the TV, I’m supposed to see a signal on the screen that shows that the TV is on; but what happens if after pressing the button, the screen remains off and I don’t see anything?

I may quickly wonder,

• Is something wrong with the Tv?
• Is the outlet working?
• Is the Tv cable functioning properly?

There could be so many reasons that are causing the TV not to function, so I have to make sense of this nonsense situation. I experienced confusion between what I was hoping to happen and what happened. My confusion doesn’t occur in isolation, it comes with its companion, a sense of urgency.

Our urge to solve the unknown, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but an adaptive response; in fact, without it, we wouldn’t get anything done.

Proux and Heine (2009) conducted various experiments to gain an understanding of how people react to confusing and ambiguous events. In one of their experiments, they asked one group of readers to read a re-written version of the story “A Country Doctor,” one of the most disorienting short stories he has written by Franz Kafka’s; the second group of readers was asked to read a more coherent version of Kafka’s story that followed a standard narrative structure.

After reading the story, all participants, from both groups of readers, were shown a series of letter-strings and asked to copy them down; then they were asked to place a mark that matched the original string and the one they copied (participants didn’t know about the patterns that the string of letters included).

The results of this study showed that those who had read the surreal/disorganized version of Kafka’s story checked off 33 percent more letter-strings than the other group; they also identified more patterns, more connections, and more associations.

Now imagine that you’re writing a novel, helping your kid with school work, or discussing with your partner an upcoming job opportunity, in all those situations, managing ambiguity effectively will lead you to consider more options and opportunities, increase your creative outputs and motivate you to do more stuff than you think you can do.

DOWNSIDES OF NOT KNOWING HOW TO NAVIGATE AMBIGUITY

Imagine for a moment that you’re at a party, you’re hanging there with friends and getting to know new people; then in front of you, there is a person that looks different and speaks differently than you and the rest of your friends. Your brain, as a meaning-making system will naturally identify that confusion between what you’re used to and what’s in front of you, as a mismatch. It’s not your fault, it’s just what our brain does.

If you don’t know how to handle the not-knowing moments you may quickly jump to conclusions – positive and negative ones – about who this person is or their character. (see research on prejudice conducted by Jason’s Luoma)

In romantic relationships, if you don’t know how to tolerate uncertainty when encountering ambiguous information in your relationship, you may have a harder time trusting your partner.

What’s called for during uncertain times is greater flexibility.

“Our excessive confidence in what we believe we know, and our apparent inability to acknowledge the full extent of our ignorance and the uncertainty of the world we live in. We are prone to overestimate how much we understand about the world and to underestimate the role of chance in events. Overconfidence is fed by the illusory certainty of hindsight.” – Daniel Khaneman

WHAT MAKES OUR NEED FOR CLOSURE WORSE?

Our need to resolve ambiguities is essential to our ability to function in our day-to-day lives, but like any psychological trait, this need can be heightened under certain circumstances.

Feeling tired, recent changes, hunger, insomnia, deadlines, loss, and other stressors can easily increase this urge to solve a confusing situation and increase our experience of wanting to know a solution right now, right here, and for as long as possible (the urgency and permanence characteristics of our need for closure).

Being exposed to different stressors combined with a low tolerance for ambiguity and a lack of skills to handle ambiguity makes a combo for inflexible responses, tortured minds, and ongoing problems.

DOES EVERYONE STRUGGLE WITH UNCERTAINTY THE SAME?

When we all encounter ambiguity, we do what’s necessary to solve that situation and move on with our day.

In general, we instantly identify the confusing event, scan for all potential information to reduce the gap between how things are and how we were expecting them to be, arrive at a conclusion, and then let go.

However, for some people, biological vulnerabilities make them prone to struggle more with wanting to know for sure, right now, and right here. Multiple studies have demonstrated that the tendency to fear the unknown and ambiguity is a strong predictor of anxiety for every single human being.

WHAT TO DO TO DEAL SKILLFULLY WITH UNCERTAINTY?

Like height, some people have more tolerance for ambiguity than others. So what you do depends on how you see your ability to navigate uncertainty, unknowns, and ambiguity.

If you’re moderately okay with tolerating uncertainty …

You want to consider Vaugh -Tan’s (2020) proposal to develop an uncertainty mindset. He suggests creating personal routines around two principles:

(a) Forcing continuation and low-level confrontation with uncertainty
(b) Providing exposure to serendipity of unexpected desirability

How do these principles translate into bringing uncertainty into your day-to-day life?

• • • Do it often
    • Do it small
    • Do it with openness

If you create unpredictable exercises and choose unknown routes for activities that have low-stakes and approach them with openness – without attachment to a particular outcome – that’s a great way to augment your tolerance to uncertainty.

Here are some examples of day-to-day activities you can do to create an uncertainty mindset:

• • • Drinking tea; try a different flavor
    • Going to a restaurant and trying a new dish
    • Cooking a dish; try an ingredient from a different brand
    • Make a guess when you don’t know something and stick to your guess
    • Talking to someone who holds different beliefs than you and asking more about their views before defending your opinion

As you have read, our urges for solving the unknown are dynamic and shift from situation to situation; they color every single thing we’re exposed to and naturally, we do experience them differently in different areas of our life. As you develop an uncertainty mindset, you can also do an inventory of:

• • • Areas and activities of your life in which uncertainty is exciting, and fun, and you welcome it
    • Activities in which it’s hard for you to tolerate ambiguity
    • Activities in which you noticed a shift in your ability to handle the unknowns.

If you have a low tolerance for uncertainty and a high need for closure…

You can increase your tolerance for ambiguity by practicing the following micro-skills:

(a) Stop the battle against those uncertain thoughts

When dealing with ambiguous situations the most common troublesome thoughts are:

• • • Believing that bad things are going to happen
    • Assuming catastrophic endings
    • Assigning meaning to those thoughts
    • Assuming those thoughts are true

Instead of arguing back against those thoughts or being consumed by them, here is an exercise you can do to stop wrestling with all those thoughts.

Experiential exercise for dealing with uncertainty

Find a quiet place and schedule 10 to 15 minutes of your time; it’s helpful if you have a device to record yourself reading the directions slowly and in a soft tone. Then listen to your recording and follow the directions.

Get in a comfortable position. Close your eyes or focus your gaze on a single point, then take a few slow, deep breaths. Allow yourself a couple of moments to get centered in this exercise.

For the next moments, get in touch with a thought, image, or memory that you usually run away from, try to get rid of, or avoid at all costs. Let’s call this your target thought. While focusing on this thought, do your best to stay in touch with feelings, sensations, and any other reactions that come along. Do your best to watch how your body responds. Do you notice any urges to suppress, eliminate, or push away the thought? How intense are the urges? Are they mild, moderate, or intense? Are there any bodily sensations arising?

You can briefly and gently scan your body from top to bottom. While focusing on your body, your mind may come up with all types of mind noise, including fantasies, forecasting, hypotheses, dreams, and so on. See if you can notice them without getting trapped by them and shift your attention back to your target thought, image, or memory.

Notice where the urge to get rid of this thought begins and ends. Notice exactly where it is in your body. If you could make a sculpture in the shape of this urge, what would it look like? Observe whether this urge is pushing you to stay with your target thought or to suppress it, push it down, or distract yourself from it.

After noticing the urges that come with the target thought, see if you can completely “drop the battle” and stop the fight by simply noticing, describing, and observing the thought, memory, or image to yourself silently without doing anything about it.

What about if instead of fighting against it you chose to have it, exactly as it is? If you

are still resisting, do your best again to just drop the battle, drop the fight against the thoughts.

Do your best to notice what comes when you drop the fight against the thought. See what happens if you choose to have this particular thought. You don’t have to like it or dislike it; you don’t have to love it; you don’t have to deny it. You just have to do your best to let it be as it is.

As you drop the fight with this thought, see if you can get in contact with the person behind your eyes, the person having this experience. Let’s call the person “the observer you.” See if you can notice the observer you that is watching this thought, memory, or image, and is watching your mind having them. What do you notice?

Now, from the place of looking at that thought and having it, notice what it feels like to notice the pull to take action, without actually taking action.

Now ask yourself, “Is there anything in this thought that I cannot have or that could hurt me?”

Notice how it is to unpack this thought, what it does, how it feels, and how you can have it without doing anything.

Reflect for a couple of moments on these questions. As you prepare to finish this exercise, notice your breathing. Take a few good, deep breaths with the air coming in through your nose and out of your mouth. Gently open your eyes and bring yourself back to the room.

As you move forward, ask yourself: “Am I willing to go on from here, carrying all these thoughts wherever I go, noticing how they come, and then simply having them?”

• Do not assume you’re certain of a situation when feeling uncertain.
• Watch the thoughts instead of being consumed by the thoughts.
• Watch the process of thinking instead of being consumed by the process.

(b) Stay with it, accept it

Staying with uncertainty means making a decision to feel it, stay with it, and make room for it all the way, even though it feels uncomfortable. It’s like saying yes to the yucky stuff that comes when feeling uncertain.

You can use acceptance mini-prompts in the midst of feeling ambivalent, confused, and struggling with a strong urge to have a response right away so you don’t feel stressed.

An acceptance prompt is a sweet, soft, and gentle way to make room for those fears, anxieties, worries, and any other overwhelming reaction that shows up when you are encountering a confusing and ambiguous situation, without fighting against those feelings. The idea is to really open up to them so you can expand your day-to-day living.

Acceptance moves can include short acceptance prompts that you tell yourself, such as:

• • • I want to give my best at this moment to ride this wave of uncertainty.
    • I want to do what I can to let this fear of not-knowing come and go.
    • I’m going to let this confusing feeling go.

Here is what I find fascinating about acceptance skills at a brain level (apologies for my nerdiness): Neuroaffective science of emotions has demonstrated that the skill of watching an overwhelming experience and then letting it go—is extremely handy and even faster than other skills in reducing the activation of our nervous system. In other words, acceptance prompts require fewer brain resources to help our emotional system slow down and allow the frontal lobe to kick in, so we can choose how to handle a troublesome situation.

Keep in mind that using an acceptance prompt is never to eliminate the feeling of uncertainty; it’s just a cue for you to check whether you’re fighting your experience instead of making room for it, and then letting it be.

(c) Check the function of your actions when driven by uncertainty

Checking the function of your action means checking the impact of acting, going along, and doing whatever you feel like doing or what your thoughts push you to do.

When having a push to solve an ambiguous situation, instead of sinking with the strong urge, do your best to ground yourself and ask yourself if acting on that urge to solve ambiguity takes you further or closer away to the life you want to live, the person you want to be or your values in that moment. 

As impossible as it feels, emotions don’t need to drag you like a puppet; every time you commit yourself to use that moment of ambiguity as an opportunity to increase your skill to handle it and ask yourself about the impact of acting on it, and whether it helps you to be the person you want to be, you’re building the ambiguity muscle.

Our minds love to argue, debate, and question, especially when dealing with uncertainty, annoying, and overwhelming feelings. Yet, you’re the only one that can choose: do you waste time acting on those emotions or you let them be there while you carry on with what matters to you?

(d) Do something different, do what matters

The urge for closure, solving, and reducing ambiguity can drive you into a hyperdrive that pushes you to take action right away. You may do things like:

Asking others what to do (asking for reassurance)

• • • Replaying in your mind multiple scenarios
    • Listing in your mind potential questions
    • Making lists with actions you have to take to prevent bad things from happening
    • Double-checking (e.g. re-reading emails multiple times)
    • Refusing to delegate tasks to others
    • Procrastinating tasks

Doing something different doesn’t mean having a perfect plan ready to go when having these strong urges. It means, asking yourself the question, what matters to me right now?

No matter where we are, who we’re with, and what time of the day it is, there is stuff that matters to us and there is life happening in front of us. So doing what matters is choosing to pay attention to that stuff in those moments.

(e) Keep an eye on life stressor

Keep an eye on micro-shifts in your sleep quality, recent changes, and levels of stress because those three factors will push for a higher need to solve the unknown and take action right away.

Give yourself 24-hours before jumping onto decisions (or conclusions)!

No person can fix and answer all the unknowns we face day-by-day, but you can change the way you respond to uncertainty and make it part of your day-to-day life.

Your fear of uncertainty will show up when you’re emotionally invested in doing something that matters to you and you’re pushed against your growth edges.

• What could you achieve if uncertainty wasn’t holding you back?
• How would it be if you stopped playing-it-safe by searching for certainty, asking others what to do, or avoiding making decisions?

Make sure you’re making room for uncertainty every day so you can live a fulfilling, intentional, and joyful life.